I hope that when you’re lying there, trying to get to sleep, you think of me. I hope that sometimes you go through all the old pictures & notes, just to get a laugh out of them. I hope you think about the future, hoping I’m somewhere in there. I hope you pick up your phone, your eyes fixed on my name in your conacts, fighting yourself to talk to me. I hope sometimes you get really sad & think of all the ways you could win me back. I hope I still possess your heart, in an iron grasp that won’t give.
I hope it’s the same for you as it is for me. Then I won’t feel as crazy.
I’m feeling pretty lonely right about now.
I texted my ex hours ago to try to repair our friendship, which was longer than our relationship, and he didn’t text me back. I’m thinking a lot about all the people who don’t want me jumping into anything right now, which I am not. Is it a crime to hang out with someone & have fun? I’m over thinking what I want in the forseeable future, knowing I’m happy with what is going on right now but scared that it might get too serious from one day to the next. Nobody in this house ever even talks to me. Social networking is no comfort. I’ve run out of books in my house to read. I want an ice cream sundae. I want to smoke a cigarette. Everyone is a douchebag & the sun is gone.
I apologize for bitching. I just have to vent sometimes.